It was the incident in Sainsbury’s that finally pushed Peter Trench over the edge.
He was minding his own business, standing in the toilet roll aisle, trying to decide if he wanted to get the usual white Andrex, or go for the cheaper, but unknown quality of the store’s own brand ultra-soft, when he heard some giggling behind him, and a young woman's voice half-whispering, 'It's him. Isn't it?'
Oh god, he thought to himself bitterly, here we go again. But he pretended he hadn't heard, half hoping that they'd be too shy to approach him… even though deep down he knew they would.
‘Cat hair on my penis!’
Peter sighed inwardly, but forced a smile and turned round to face the two teenage girls, doing his best to give the impression that he enjoyed the recognition and attention.
‘See Sarah', said the dark haired girl, 'It is him. Told you so.’
‘Hi,’ said Peter, struggling to think of anything else to say.
‘Hey mister,’ said the blonde pointing at the toilet roll in his hand, ‘Is that what you use to wipe the cat hairs off your penis?’
At this, both girls broke into peels of hysterical laughter and ran off into the neighbouring aisle, leaving Peter standing there humiliated and red-faced.
‘Assholes,’ was all he could manage when he was able to speak again, earning him a reproachful glare from an elderly woman who happened to be walking past him at that exact moment.
He threw the toilet roll back onto the shelf in frustration, left his half full trolley where it was, and marched out of the store, mentally daring anyone else to try using the catchphrase on him as he went.