A fall of ten storeys onto a concrete pavement will kill you ninety-five times out of hundred, with the likelihood of death increasing with each additional storey. And once you get up to fifteen storeys or greater, you are pretty much guaranteed an instantaneous and painless death.
Which is why the various pro-suicide web-sites consider jumping from the top of a high building to be one of the best ways to kill yourself: oblivion is almost always assured, and it’s a method that costs nothing and is readily available to anyone who lives in a big city.
But what the sites fail to get across, despite their best efforts, is just how utterly terrifying the reality of standing on the edge of a sixteen storey window ledge actually is.
Even if you’ve reached absolute breaking point, and desperately want everything to go away once and for all, your built in survival instinct will kick in and you’ll find yourself unable to make that final move as you look down at the pavement far below.
Which is why I’m sitting up here at two in the morning, the city streets stretched out beneath me, trying to work out just how badly I really want to die.
I’m wearing my favourite ‘My Chemical Romance’ hoody (it’s got the ‘The Black Parade’ album cover on it), a dark plaid skirt, black tights, and my DM boots. I thought this would be enough to keep me warm, but of course it’s really windy this high up, and I’m shivering as the wind whips through the gaping window holes of this unfinished office block.
I take another swig from the bottle of whisky I nicked from Darren’s drinks cabinet, and splutter as the liquid burns my throat. I don’t like the taste, but it warms me up inside, and maybe getting drunk will give me the courage I need.
I shake my head in disbelief. Why can’t I even bring myself to do this one simple thing? All I need to do is jump and it will all be over. Instead of which, I’m hiding here in the dark, getting pissed, and crying my eyes out in frustration and at the unfairness of it all.
Everything had been fine until six months ago, when Darren came along.